Saturday, July 26, 2008

Summer Fun to Football Widow--transition is hard

After a week of late night meetings, my coaching husband left this morning to attend four days of the Texas High School Coaches Association convention. This time of year is the hardest. During the summer, I see him every night, he pitches in with housework (I work full-time, by the way), and his attention is generally on me.

Around mid-July things start to change...I become a football widow.

It starts with meetings during the evenings, then the Saturdays get devoured, too, then he's gone for the annual convention. It doesn't end there! Upon return, he'll start two-a-days which result in his pure exhaustion. By the time I see him, he's hardly got energy to eat, let alone put a dish in the dishwasher. Although, he seems to muster up enough energy for a couple of things ;)

Although he'll pretty much stay this busy until the season ends, it gets easier. The transition is just so hard. I miss him, I miss splitting household chores, I miss eating lunch with him, I miss vegging on the couch with him, I miss his focus being on me. Yet, I believe with all my heart that he is called by God to minister to young men through coaching.

How do I handle this transition? Well, currently I'm handling it with my knee-jerk reaction--pull away and disconnect from him. In my immaturity and selfishness, I choose to protect myself from feeling rejected, left aside, and lonely, by doing the old "I'll leave you before you leave me" trick. I'll let you in on a little secret, though. It doesn't feel any better.

How would I like to handle this transition? I'd love to be more honest with my coach. To tell him how much I miss him and how happy I am to see him in our few moments together. I'd love to be independent, yet still need him. It's hard for me to find the right balance between independence and dependence, and to adjust the balance depending on the season. I'm a fortunate coach's wife--he really tries hard to show me he loves me and he really does miss me. I also want to work on looking to the Lord to fill my needs--Jared really isn't responsible to fill me emotionally or spiritually, and no one can live up to that pressure.

Instead of turning away from Jared, I will run towards Jesus. He can protect me, love me, sustain me, nourish me, romance me, and even humor me.

In addition, during the times I would have spent with Jared, I'm seeking things that will give me purpose and growth. Today, I went to a christian writer's conference hosted by Roaring Lambs and met so many wonderful women that God has used to touch other people. It encouraged me to post a couple blogs--progress, eh! Then, I made plans to attend mentor training at The Village Church to mentor an at-risk child for an hour per week. Hopefully more on these topics later.

Gotta go to bed now. I'm tired enough that I think I can fall asleep without my snuggle buddy.

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