This is not it

Justin, Josh, Ryan, Ben, Taylor, Ashley, Jeb. All completed their lives in less than 25 years. All friends of mine. All different causes. Just in 2008 alone my friends, family, and I have dealt with losing young loved ones to drug overdose, colon cancer, a freak accident where an 18-wheeler literally fell off an overpass onto a car, and just last week a guy I graduated with from high school had a heart attack.

I don't mean to bring anyone down, but I just feel like it's constantly around me. Life just feels so temporary. It is, but I don't think most people really feel it. Know what I mean? Most young people feel invincible, but I just never felt that way. It's not like I live in constant fear or anything, although it's definitely prevalent, but I'm just aware that this life isn't it.

I don't know why it is so shocking when we lose someone, but it is...every time. I just did a quick search on BibleGateway, and there are 459 appearances of the word "death," only slightly beat by the word "life" with 538 appearances in the ESV. Not to mention verses like the following, that don't say the words, but imply that this life is not permanent.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”2 Corinthians 4:18

But am I living my life recklessly, even though I'm aware of its brevity? Yeah, I think most of us are. I can't say that I'm pressing into what is eternal daily. I still get so caught up in the temporary things. I hope that the loss of our friends has tugged at other's hearts, and that they've at least considered the possibility that this isn't it. I hope that I'll remember that living cautiously by my standards may be reckless by God's standards.

Here's a few of my favorite pics of friends I've lost. I hope Ashley and Josh are enjoying their real life up there. Miss you guys.

Game picture of the Coach

Here's a pic from Jared's game yesterday. He always pats the boys on the helmet when he's done talking to them. It's cute. He's so good with those guys.

New experiences

One of my favorite things to do is try something new. I love to see what's out there...and then I usually follow it with my critique of what they could do to make it better. It's the perfectionist in me! Sometimes something just doesn't turn out like you expect it to, though.

Thursday, I decided to take a yoga class. I'm fairly fit, I can handle yoga...right? Well, it turns out my first challenge wasn't so much a fitness one, more like a character one. The instructor walks in and, no lie, he must have weighed 250-300 pounds. He's as round as a Tella Tubby. Don't judge me people, but it took everything in me not to laugh at the prospect of what I was about to see. Then, as the class gets started and I'm controlling my urge to giggle, someone around me passes gas. Lord, don't do this to me! I'm trying to be a good girl. Oh no, He just kept on testing my character. As I'm trying not to laugh like a fifth grader or gag from the smell, we're instructed "Take a deep breath in through your nose." The composed and proper lady in me quickly went into downward dog to hide the humongous grin on my face!

After getting through the first five minutes, the class actually turned out to be great. The Tella Tubby, turned out to be one of the best group instructors I've ever had (and he could hold his foot up over his head--impressive for a big guy). Three days later, I'm still sore. I think I'll go back.

Also, this weekend, I did IKEA. Jared had a noon football game on Saturday against George Teague's team in Carrolton (Teague was the Cowboy player who defended the star when T.O. danced on it after a touchdown--prior to T.O.'s days as a Cowboy). Let's just say Teague's team defended their field, as well. As the coaches headed off to break down film of the game, I figured I had A LOT of time to do whatever I wanted. Off to tackle IKEA, the largest furniture/accessory store, like ever.

Everyone says that IKEA is so great and amazing. Great stuff for great prices. So, I thought I'd check it out. Disappointed! I guess cold, modern, cheap-looking, isn't my style. I'm sure a lot of the pieces would look great (until they fall apart) if your home has an edgy, modern look, but other than that, I'm honestly not sure where you would put most things. I would consider it for a kids room or a college dorm, but other than that, I don't think I'll plan to be a frequent IKEA shopper. Oh well. I headed off to the largest shopping mall in DFW after that--Grapevine Mills Mall. I made it around half the mall before I gave in and headed home (still beating my husband home).

And to top it off with "first time" experiences, we're heading to my best friend's daughter's FIRST birthday today. To Jared's pleasure, right in the middle of the Cowboys first game. Thank goodness for DVRs.

Well, the good news is I like yoga, which is healthy and free (sort of), and I didn't find a place to spend our money. Oh, I also tried Gelato for the first time...not bad at all!

Adjusting (and enjoying)!!

Ok, so I guess I'm adjusting, because I found myself really enjoying my Monday night alone tonight. I came home, cranked up my "chill" playlist on my ipod, hopped in a hot bath and relaxed. Afterwards, I cooked what I wanted for dinner. Oddly enough, a grilled cheese and a turkey hot dog (no bun) tingled my taste buds. Yeah, not many people would enjoy eating this meal with me--so that's why I need an occasional dinner alone!

I'm reading Karol Ladd's book, The Power of a Positive Wife, and I guess it's got me thinking positively about being a coach's wife, too. Other fun things about being a coach's wife:

• Lot's of school t-shirts to sleep in
• Power of the remote control (TLC and Lifetime here I come!)
• Guilt-free time to blog, workout, nap, etc.
• Missing my husband and being excited to see him when he gets home
• Getting to watch my husband work on Friday nights
• Outings with the other coaches' wives
• Free tickets to games
• Never worrying about Friday night plans

Whatever career your husband is in, he needs your encouragement, support, and love.

Late nights? Enjoy your nights alone--use that time to find your passions; when you have your own passions, you'll be more supportive of his.

Hubby comes home stressed? Tell him how proud you are of him and how thankful you are for all he does to support you and your family. Order dinner in and take a night to relax with him. Instead of nagging him for wanting to relax, join him. Who knows what a little TLC might do for your marriage ;)

Too much time together? I know some women have the opposite problem of me. Their husband either works from home or doesn't work many hours. (This can be summer or holidays for coach's wives) If that's the case, pray for sanity. Just kidding! Give each other space, so that you have something to share when you come back together. Plan lunch dates or an afternoon stroll (or whatever it is you call it..wink), then go your separate ways until then. If you set a time to meet, neither of you will be tempted to interrupt the other and you just might look forward to seeing each other.

What are some ways that you've encouraged your man? How are you turning a potential negative into a positive? Any other thoughts for dinner for one?

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (The Message)

The Mack of All Daddies

It's not often that we actually get to meet our heroes, but yesterday Jared got his chance. He met head coach of UT Austin's football team, Mack Brown.

Not only was Mack incredibly nice about taking pictures, but he spent 10 minutes talking to Jared and a couple other coaches on Jared's team.

I'm thankful that Jared and I have role models like Mack and his wife Sally to look up to as we're starting our journey.

This article about Sally is an encouragement to me as a wife of a coach.

Summer Fun to Football Widow--transition is hard

After a week of late night meetings, my coaching husband left this morning to attend four days of the Texas High School Coaches Association convention. This time of year is the hardest. During the summer, I see him every night, he pitches in with housework (I work full-time, by the way), and his attention is generally on me.

Around mid-July things start to change...I become a football widow.

It starts with meetings during the evenings, then the Saturdays get devoured, too, then he's gone for the annual convention. It doesn't end there! Upon return, he'll start two-a-days which result in his pure exhaustion. By the time I see him, he's hardly got energy to eat, let alone put a dish in the dishwasher. Although, he seems to muster up enough energy for a couple of things ;)

Although he'll pretty much stay this busy until the season ends, it gets easier. The transition is just so hard. I miss him, I miss splitting household chores, I miss eating lunch with him, I miss vegging on the couch with him, I miss his focus being on me. Yet, I believe with all my heart that he is called by God to minister to young men through coaching.

How do I handle this transition? Well, currently I'm handling it with my knee-jerk reaction--pull away and disconnect from him. In my immaturity and selfishness, I choose to protect myself from feeling rejected, left aside, and lonely, by doing the old "I'll leave you before you leave me" trick. I'll let you in on a little secret, though. It doesn't feel any better.

How would I like to handle this transition? I'd love to be more honest with my coach. To tell him how much I miss him and how happy I am to see him in our few moments together. I'd love to be independent, yet still need him. It's hard for me to find the right balance between independence and dependence, and to adjust the balance depending on the season. I'm a fortunate coach's wife--he really tries hard to show me he loves me and he really does miss me. I also want to work on looking to the Lord to fill my needs--Jared really isn't responsible to fill me emotionally or spiritually, and no one can live up to that pressure.

Instead of turning away from Jared, I will run towards Jesus. He can protect me, love me, sustain me, nourish me, romance me, and even humor me.

In addition, during the times I would have spent with Jared, I'm seeking things that will give me purpose and growth. Today, I went to a christian writer's conference hosted by Roaring Lambs and met so many wonderful women that God has used to touch other people. It encouraged me to post a couple blogs--progress, eh! Then, I made plans to attend mentor training at The Village Church to mentor an at-risk child for an hour per week. Hopefully more on these topics later.

Gotta go to bed now. I'm tired enough that I think I can fall asleep without my snuggle buddy.

Why Jared's not allowed on ladders anymore

May 29 marked the one-year anniversary of Jared's emphamous "fall." Last summer, on his first day of his summer job, Jared fell off a 6-foot ladder onto a flagstone patio, resulting in a brain injury. My dad, his new summer boss, had to call to tell me my fiance was in ICU, and I needed to get to Baylor quick. When I got to the hospital, I curled up in my daddy's lap for the first time since I was a child and cried with him. It was one of those moments that I hope I never forget, yet I don't want to remember often. One of my favorite images is me curled up in our Father, Lord's, lap, and that is how God allowed my earthly father to comfort me.

I remember the sermon from the Sunday before; Matt Chandler at The Village Church asked us what we had our fists around. The concept was that we all bargain with God--you can have this, this, and this, but not 'fill in the blank.' After the sermon, I wasn't sure what my so-called bargain with God was, but as I laid in the quiet waiting room that night, I opened my palm up to God and said, "Jared is what I've been clenching my fist around, but he's in Your hands." I realized I could refuse to let Jared go, but ultimately God is in control of it all. On my knees in the hospital waiting room, I opened my palm towards the ceiling and let go. I still prayed for Jared's healing, but I didn't make deals or tell God I would do this if he would do that...you know how it goes. Helpless, I had crawled in my daddy's lap, and helpless I had laid my burdens in my Father's lap.

Well, as you've seen from my previous post, a month later we were married! Although his injuries were very serious, he miraculously had a FULL recovery. The only thing that remains is a little bump where a rib he broke didn't heal quite right. I'm sure he's not a fan of the bump, but I'm glad it's there. When I see it, I'm reminded of how gracious God was to spare his life and how precious he is to me.

We just celebrated our one year anniversary at the beach where we had our wedding! It's been a wonderful year, as far as first years go. I'm not asking for anymore of these biggie moments, but I do pray that the Lord continues to use our experiences to better his Kingdom.